“If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it.”― Mary Oliver
As a personal coach and trainer for over 25 years, I have become practiced at going for the gusto, grabbing happiness, and never settling for less than I deserve. Working to get to the top of the class, striving for the deepest connections, and confronting my inner critics so I can be all that is possible. I have led workshops on reclaiming your personal power, trained 100s of coaches all over the world, done vision quests, soul work trainings, worked with therapists, coaches and guides. I have retreated, journalled, written morning pages, confronted fears, had encounter sessions. It started as an effort to get out of pain, but continued in a frantic effort to “be better.”
Writing that paragraph makes me tired!
I now wonder about the expectations I have for my life. I question the profession that I poured my heart and soul into. Have I just been perpetuating the idea that we are never enough? Have I been striving for goals that are perhaps unrealistic, unattainable, or simply not what brings that deep sense of relaxation and ease and acceptance of who I am? Is all that striving based on keeping my “not enoughness” in place?
Yes, I am privileged to have a life in which some leisure is possible. I have a roof over my head and people who care about me. I know that personal growth is reserved for those who have time and resources to pursue it.
A few years ago I was talking to a friend about the question I was mulling over in my mind that day. It was something to do with wondering who I would be if I didn’t identify with being a mother, but instead claimed a different archetype for my life as I aged. That was how I lived, always looking for the next place to improve and grow. He looked at me, smiled and in his practical, yet soulful way, said “What I am thinking about today is: “what’s for lunch?”
This simple answer rocked my world.
My friend is smart, full of heart, and thinks deeply about many things in his life. He is not a simple person. And it was such a foreign concept to be thinking about what ‘s for lunch as a central part of my day. I could not imagine being that present.
It started me thinking about contentment. And joy. And what it means to just live, be relaxed, and strive less?
I began to ask myself:
*Am I contented today?*
One thing is for sure, it is with great satisfaction that almost every day I can answer yes to that question.
If I had asked myself if I am happy, or powerful, or did I do all I could do to be better, I would have ended the day feeling like I was lacking. Rarely would the answer be yes.
Mary Oliver once said in an interview that she was one of the millions of people who had an inadequate childhood and that she was saved by poetry and the beauty of the world. Doesn’t this put life in a refreshing perspective?
We all have things to get over, and ways we wish were were smarter, or cuter, or more fun. We can spend from now to the end of our days improving ourselves. And maybe today is the day to notice the beauty of the world and the poetry that comes out of that. Maybe today is the day to get off the personal growth treadmill and just think about what’s for lunch.
It takes courage to stop the treadmill. To simply sit in I AM ENOUGH. My life is good. Life happens but I will likely weather todays storms as I weathered yesterdays.
And, guess what? Every day we are all, in some way, doing well, luckier than many, and there is always some way to find a spot of contentment.
In what way are you content? In what ways do you notice what a treasure you already are?